Two Plus Two

The Mermaid, Around 11 months

For her first five years, she was the "ooops" baby. I got my period the day after the honeymoon, so she wasn't conceived there, but the next month the stick said there was a reason I was constantly tired. After a year and half of trying, her sister joined the family. Two pounds smaller than sis, champion sleeper, I was ready for more.

When we got married, J and I knew we'd have between 4 and 6 kids. We liked our big families. Liked the craziness, chaos, closeness that comes with multiple siblings.

But three years later, a couple rounds of fertility drugs, and two years more, we're still a little family of four. There's no obvious reason. We haven't been exhaustive in treatment, but can't afford to financially or emotionally.

Jesse's much more zen about the situation. I fight and cry, railing against God, the universe, myself. People ask if we'll have more. Sometimes I explain, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I just say "we'd like to."

Sometimes people try to reassure us that we'll have more, or encourage us to try more treatment. And though they mean well, we just don't think we will. The last stage of mourning is acceptance.

We may grow our family other ways. We may adopt or foster. I can imagine one or more of the cousins living with us at some point (someone is bound to rebel, right? or maybe they just want free room and board at the college we live by.) And there is the chance that I could get pregnant, I guess.

But if none of this happens, if it's just the four of us, we're a family. And both of those girls, though we were too young and naive to know it then, are miracles. Absolute miracles.The Monkey, also around 11 months.

The Talk

We had our first sex talk a couple of months ago since I knew the kids would have a lot of unsupervised time with cousins (and doesn't that always seem to be when erroneous information gets passed along in a hush-hush kind of way? BTW cousin Cindy, you can sleep with your bra on and not die because your circulation has been cut off by your bra band. Thanks for that little tidbit that had me jolting awake from naps as an early teenager.) I probably jumped the gun a little since their cousins aren't that much older than they are, but you never know what other kids are blabbing about on the playground.

Today, the monkey barged in on me in the bathroom (someday, we might have two bathrooms. Or a lock.) She was really upset that I was menstruating. I tried to explain that it wasn't a big deal and I wasn't in pain (although I really was, but didn't think that would help matters). Luckily, I had picked up a book at the library that has models of all the systems of the body. A quick explanation of the reproductive system, the uterus, with pictures, and we were on our way to story time (she's had several talks about eggs and fertilization). She even said "maybe next month we'll get a baby."

The book we had on hand was The Visual Dictionary of the Human Body. And I got some great ideas and courage from the Values Parenting website. They are the folks who do Joyschool, so if you have a membership, you have even more information available. Their free information is a good place to start, though.

Raising girls is kind of tough. They are smart and funny, sensitive, kind, beautiful, and full of so much potential. Helping them understand sex and sexuality is just a little part. But it's scary to think that these first chats are what opens (or shuts) the door to future conversations.

New Crafty

Last trip to NY, Amy gave the girls these sweet penny round tile samples that they were thinking of using for their bathrooms. We thought about putting them in the dollhouse, but that would have been ridiculous. (We're already making a stone fireplace and foundation. We're crazy. We know.)

So while Jesse was mortaring the fireplace, I decided to affix the tiles to one of the our 4 kitchen carts (the one that spent a month outside de-smoking itself). So there weren't exactly enough tiles to cover the whole surface, so I tried to make it a touch artsy. I call it Order into Chaos or Vice
Versa (w/ border). I still need to seal it, but since its main function is to hold my kitchenaid, I think it'll be ok.

If anyone else has assorted penny round samples they're trying to unload, I have two other wooden kitchen carts and 3/4 box of mortar.

Glam Hikers

Jesse worked today, so the kids and I went to Thorncrag (our local bird sanctuary) for a little hike in the splendid weather. We had fun tromping through the somewhat muddy forest. Monkey brought her sand pail (she just won at the Easter egg hunt) and played in the water. She really wanted to make mud, but I think there was enough naturally occurring, she didn't feel as compelled to as she did in the beginning. The lighting was good and my subjects were feeling posey, so we took some glam shots. They are growing so quickly. We're a bit stunned at how beautiful Mermaid is becoming. Thank goodness she needs glasses and no matter what the dentist says, those braces are not going on until her 16th birthday.

The Egg Hunt

We were lucky enough to get ourselves invited to the karate dojo's Easter egg hunt this year. One of the senseis leads our exercise group in the morning. The kids had so much fun.
Monkey found a mud puddle, but she also found a special egg and won a sand toy set.

I'm not sure how the NY family is doing, but we've pretty much missed all the impressive weather this year. We did get rain, but no significant flooding by us. We missed all the snowstorms and windstorms. The rain is getting pretty annoying. It's cold. I keep remembering why I went to Hawaii for school. The kids are like wound up jack-in-the-boxes. They may pop any second. They don't care where we move to, as long as it has a yard.

We are looking forward to a warm Saturday. We'll try to hit an Easter egg hunt or two, but J might convince the girls to go kayaking. Or he might not. He has 3 interviews to prepare for. Yay! Wish him luck!

FHE

My kids love FHE (said "fuh"). They look forward to family night. They even love being in charge. I insist on regular FHE mostly out of guilt for giving my mom a hard time every time she tried to institute it.

We rely heavily on the Friend magazine and the GAK (also known as fuh-in-a-box). The semi-annual awards ceremony is also a big hit. Last time G got a crown from Jesse that said "boardgame queen". She wore it to school the next day. Way cute.
This week in honor of the Easter holiday, we dyed eggs while griping at each other for bumping the table, spilling dye, and messing up our creations. All in all, a classic FHE.